Sunday, September 25, 2016

Cool Sunday




Good morning everyone. I'm preparing to take my wife out for breakfast. At the end of each month we decided to go for breakfast. I would like to go every Sunday for breakfast but now it's just at the end of the month. Autumn has arrived. It came with temperatures of nearing 90 temperatures but now it's with temperatures in the lower 70's. I'm going to put my golf clubs away for the winter. Gerry hasn't called me this month so that means that my golf is finished this year. Oh well.

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Well my wife is calling me to go for breakfast, She's hungry and so am I. Have a wonderful Sunday friends.

 
                                                                        " SEE YA "





Sunday, September 18, 2016

Sunny, Sunny Sunday



Good morning everyone. As I said I'm writing my blog back to back as I promised. I read John Heald's Blog this morning and he discussed about what a person drinks the most or enjoyed the most.
I wondered about that. I drink 3 big cups of coffee a day and that's about it. I know I should drink more water but I don't. At times my wife & I will have some tea with our friends Al & Meilin, they love tea. So I was wondering, what do you drink the most during the day for your enjoyment? 
a) coffee
b) tea
c) sweet drinks
d) beer or liquor
e) water
f) all of the above
g) nothing.

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Mike and his pregnant wife live on a farm in a rural area in the west of England. No running water, no electricity, etc. One night, Mikes' wife is begins to deliver the baby. The local doctor is there in attendance. "What d'ya want me to do, Doctor?" "Hold the lantern, Mike. Here it comes!" the doctor delivers the child and holds it up for the proud father to see.
"Mike, you're the proud father of a fine strapping boy." "Saints be praised, I..." Before Mike can finish the Doctor interrupts, "Wait a minute. Hold the lantern, Mike." Soon the doctor delivers the next child. "You've a full set now, Mike. A beautiful baby daughter."
"Thanks be to..."
Again the Doctor cuts in, "Hold the lantern, Mike, Hold the lantern!" Soon the Doctor delivers a third child. The doctor
holds up the baby for Mike's inspection.
"Doctor," asks Mike, "Do you think it's the light that's attracting them?"


                                                           " Go Away Kid! "


An English man, Irishman and a Scottishman are sitting in a pub full of people. The Englishman says, "The pubs in England are the best. You can buy one drink and get a second one free". Everyone in the pub agreed and gave a big cheer. The Scottishman says,"..yeah. That's quite good but in Scotland you can buy one drink and get another 2 for free." Again, the crowd in the pub gave a big cheer. The Irish man says "Your two pubs are good, but they are not as good as the ones in Ireland. In Ireland you can buy one pint, get another 3 for free and then get taken into the backroom for a shag"
The English says "WOW! Did that happen to you?" and the Irishman replies "No, but it happened to my sister."



There was this old woman who heard a song called "Two Lips and Seven Kisses." She called up information after hearing the song on the radio to get the name of the record company. In dialing, she erroneously called up a gas station, and she asks, "Do you have "Two Lips and Seven Kisses?"

The gas station attendant who answered the phone said, "No, but I have two nuts and seven inches!"

So the woman asked, "Is this a record?"

To which the man replied, "No, its average!"



Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Jenny. "She's incredibly dumb. She does everything absolutely backwards." said one doctor. "Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of Percocet every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He nearly died on us!"

The second doctor said, "That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours. She tried to give him 24 enemas in one hour! The guy nearly exploded!"

Suddenly, they hear this blood-curdling scream from down the hall. "Oh my God!" said the first doctor, "I just realized I told Nurse Jenny to prick Mr. Smith's boil!"


A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped.

"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex." The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.

After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.

"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25..."


A young girl gets married and a few days later her mother goes to visit. When she knocks on the door, she is shocked to see her daughter open it naked. "What are you doing?" she asks. "Mom, it's my LOVE dress!! Don't you like it?" I'll come back in a few weeks when the honeymoon is over" replies the mom.

When she goes back, she is shocked when once again her daughter is naked. "Now what are you doing?" "Mom, it's my LOVE dress. It keeps the marriage spicy!"

Later that night the mom decides to try it for herself. When her husband comes home, he gives the same reaction: "Honey, what are you doing?" she give him the same answer her daughter gave her, "It's my LOVE dress! What do you think of it?" Her husband thinks long and hard and says, "I think you should have ironed it!"



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Well, that's about it for today. I may have put to much in my post today. You are probably tired of reading bit I hope that you have enjoyed this today. I'll try not wait such a long time until my next blog. Have a great day my good friends.

 
                                                                  " SEE YA "

 












Saturday, September 17, 2016

Wet, Wet, Saturday





Good morning everyone. I know, I know, I've been missing out on my blog so I'm going to do a Saturday - Sunday blog all about the British people who I just love. John Head, a former Cruise Director for Carnival and is now Carnival's Grand Ambassador is great for comedy with his English. I just loved what he would do and still does, so for him I'm going to do a two day blog. 

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A man asked for a meal in a restaurant in England. The waiter brought the food and put it on the table. After a moment, the man called the waiter and said:
"Waiter! Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!"
 The waiter said " Please don't speak so loudly, sir," said the waiter, "or everyone will want one."

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The woman was in bed with her English lover and had just told him how stupid her Irish husband was when the door was thrown open and there stood her husband. He glared at her lover and bellowed, "What are you doing?" "There," said the wife, "didn't I tell you he was stupid?"

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One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BAS**RD!!!!"

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An English man and an Irish man are driving head on , at night, on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving too fast for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed. In celebration of their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike for the other from that moment on. At this point, the Englishman goes to the boot and fetches a 12 year old bottle of whisky. He hands the bottle to the Irish man, whom exclaims,'' may the Irish and the English live together forever, in peace, and harmony.'' The Irish man then tips the bottle and gulps half of the bottle down. Still flabbergasted over the whole thing, he goes to hand the bottle to the Englishman, whom replies: '' no thanks, I'll just wait till the Police get here!''  

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That will be it for today. As I said, I will continue this blog tomorrow dealing with England. Until then Tickety-Boo ( British term )

 
                                                                             " SEE YA "






 
 







Saturday, September 10, 2016

Rainy Saturday



Good morning or afternoon friends wherever you are, It's been some time that I have blogged. I've been gone for a little vacation. My wife & I have spent some time at a cottage near Lake St. Clair. . Just outside the cottage door awaited us a world of recreation and leisure options, from golfing on our stunning 18-hole professional course to lounging by the resort pool.  The name of the place was Rochester Place Golf & Resort. They have many different cottages. The one that we were staying at was called The Boakes. Here are some photos of where we stayed.
Everyday I sat here watching golfers shoot at a tiny green and watch these people putt. I spent a lot of time sitting here reading a book I bought before I left. It was great. Here are other photos of the place.


This room had a large TV and below the TV was a fireplace. Kind of cool wasn't it.
 Here was where we slept and right next was bathroom. Included with cottage was a golf cart for us to go around the area. The cottage had two rooms and couch that opened up into a bed therefore the cottage can have 6 people and guess what? My daughter, her husband and my two grandchildren stayed for a couple days. One of the days Nicole, Joe & I played golf. It was great. I plan on going again next year if things work out. 

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   A young married woman was discussing her sex life with a girlfriend.
   The girlfriend asked, "Do you talk to your husband when you're making
   love ?"
   
   She thought about it a minute then said, "Well, no. But I could. I
   mean he has a cell phone and all now."
 
 
  
   The young widow was kneeling at her husband's grave tending to the
   weeds, when she felt the grass rustle beneath her skirt. She smiled
   and said "Easy sweetheart, you're dead now ya know."
 
 
 
 
"Doctor, doctor!" shouted the woman coming into the doctors offfice.  "I
think I'm turning into a man"  then the doctor says,  " Now hold on
little lady  what makes you think that you're turning into a man?"  "
Well" said the woman "I'm starting to grow hair on my chest" and then
the  doctor asked, " Well then, how far down your chest is your hair
growing? " and then she replied,  "All the way down to my penis". 
 
 
 

 
 
 Crazy Sally went to her gynecologist when she got her vibrator stuck
   inside of her.
   "To remove that vibrator," said the doctor, "I'm going to have to
   perform a very long and delicate operation."
   "I don't think I can afford that," said Sally. "Could you just replace
   the batteries?"




When a woman found out that she was pregnant, she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news. One day later that week, she took her 4 year old son, Sam, out shopping. A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby. "Yes", he said. "I know what we're going to name it. If it is a girl, we're calling her Molly and if it is a boy, we're going to call it quits.






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Well about it for today I hope that you have enjoyed everything I presented to you. I will be back soon.


                                                                        " SEE YA " 


 
                                                    











Sunday, August 28, 2016

Wet Sunday Later



We have a busy Sunday. I'm first taking my wife out for breakfast, fill my bumble bee up wife gas, get some luncheon meat and then back home arranging all the materials for the cottage. 

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"Restaurant" joke

The City Health inspector walks into a new restaurant unannounced and takes a seat where he can see the kitchen. While he is sitting there, an order goes back for a pizza. The chef appears and the health inspector nearly chokes when he sees that he is not wearing a shirt. As if the health inspector didn't already have enough fuel for his citation-writing pen, the chef proceeded to grab a lump of pizza dough and press it out flat on his bare chest.
Appalled, the health inspector had barely finished up when an order came back for a hamburger. The cook proceeded to grab a handful of ground meat and pressed it into a perfect patty in his armpit.
Shocked an bewildered, the health inspector called for the manager and explained the gravity of the deplorable conditions he had seen.
"That's nothing," replied the manager, "You should come back at five in the morning when he makes the donuts!"

 Mama Mia
A law firm receptionist answered the phone the morning after the firm's
senior chef had passed away unexpectedly.
"Is Mr. Smith there?" asked the client on the phone.
"I am very sorry, but Mr. Smith passed away last night," the receptionist
answered.
"Is Mr. Smith there?" repeated the client.
The receptionist was perplexed, "Perhaps you did not understand me. I am
afraid Mr. Smith passed away last night."
"Is Mr. Smith there?" asked the client again.
"Madam, do you understand what I am saying?" said the exasperated
receptionist, "Mr. Smith is dead."
"I understand you perfectly," the client sighed, "I just cannot hear it
often enough."

Three cooks, one from Greece, one from Italy and one from Britain were sitting on a park bench passing the time.
Suddenly, the cook from Greece reaches under the bench and drags out a new bottle of Ouzo, takes a big swig, tosses the bottle into the air and shoots the bottle on the way down.
"What did you do that for?" asks the cook from Italy.
"We have lots of Ouzo in Greece" he replied.
The cook from Britain takes out a bottle of beer, takes a huge swig, throws the bottle into the air and shoots the bottle on the way down.
"What did you do that for?" asks the cook from Italy.
"We have lots of beer in Britain" was the reply.
The cook from Italy takes out a bottle of Barolo wine, takes a enormous swig and shoots the cook from England.
"What did you do that for?" asks the cook from Greece.
"We have lots of British in Italy!” 



An Italian Man Chooses a Spouse

       An Italian man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely Italian women. He gives each Italian woman a present of $500 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The Italian man was very impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the Italian man gifts. She gets him a new Italian suit, some new shoes for his Italian suit, and an expensive Italian tie. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the Italian man is impressed.

The third Italian woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $500. She gives him back his $500 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the Italian man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.

Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.



An Italian Dinner So Good It Could Kill You

Joe prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party he was giving. In his haste however, he forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti sauce and it sat on the counter all day. He was worried about the spoilage but it was too late to cook up another batch. He called the local poison control center and voiced his concern. They advised Joey to boil the sauce again.
That night the phone rang during dinner and one of the guests volunteered to answer it. Joey’s face dropped as the guest called out, “It’s the poison control center. They want to know how the spaghetti turned out.”

Another Pasta Diet

It’s an Italian diet that really works!!!
  1. You walka pasta da bakery.
  2. You walka pasta da candy store.
  3. You walka pasta da ice cream shop.
  4. You walka pasta da table
  5. You walka pasta da fridge
You will losa da weight.
Now that’s a funnya joka.

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That's it for now. Last week the RCMP Mounties were in our area for a Ride. Here are some pictures.


 





At the end of the ride, the officers had a chance to speak to the people and also the people had a chance to have pictures taken with the officers and their horse. It was a great day for everyone.

 


See you all next week my friends.